Life Plans 2.0
About two weeks ago I posted a resolution to some of the stressful things going on in my life, specifically regarding education and career choices. Since then life has been turned upside-down in every way imaginable. 2014 has been a crazy year for me so far, and the second half doesn't seem to be getting any better.
I was/am really looking forward to returning to JBU in the fall. Arkansas, especially Siloam Springs, is really where my heart lies. Kansas is beautiful in so many ways, and has been my home for many years, it's where I grew up and set the foundation for who I am today. I have so many good memories here, but I am beginning to realize I have less and less reason to be here. At the end of this summer none of my close friends will be living anywhere near me (one of them is moving to Florida in a week!); other than my parents and one grandparent, I have no family in the area; I have a fun job, but not one I want to keep forever. Siloam Springs has become the place I call "home". It's where my friends, many of whom have become like family to me, are; it's where I have actually become the person that I am now; it's where I found people who were actually interested in the same things I am. I stole a quote (and tweaked it a little) from my friend Hannah, it's now featured on my phone case, along with a picture of a sunrise in Siloam: "To miss somewhere means you loved and were loved there".
When I'm in Siloam I sometimes miss Newton, but I've come to realize that I miss the town, and it's comfortableness, less. In reality it's the people I miss, and when I'm here, those people aren't usually even here. Calling Newton "home" has become empty.
But I digress.
Because of some unforeseen financial problems with the IRS, there is a chance I will not be returning to JBU in the fall. My hope is to return for spring semester, but that leaves me with some difficult decisions. Because of the nature of things, I won't be able to take classes anywhere else in the meantime (I'm considering a couple gen-ed classes if I can find any that don't require pre-req transfers, and that I still need). My two main choices are to move to Siloam anyway (I have an apartment spot on hold) and hope to be able to save enough money while working to return in the spring, or to live with my parents and save enough money to go back in the spring. Both of these things have their pros and cons, but the main ones are financial and "home".
August 24th was supposed to be my official last day living with my parents, and it's difficult to see that being taken away. I have always been independent, and the idea of living with my parents after I've turned 20 seems appalling to me. It's not that I don't love my parents, and appreciate what they do for me. It's really that they don't get cold as easily as me. Joking aside, (Was that a joke? We'll never know) I feel the need to be on my own, to be in a place where I make my own decisions and mistakes, a place where I can be done being a teenager. But if I'm going to not be a teenager I have to make the responsible decision, and I haven't really decided what that is. At this point, I'm hoping it's a decision I won't have to make.
I was/am really looking forward to returning to JBU in the fall. Arkansas, especially Siloam Springs, is really where my heart lies. Kansas is beautiful in so many ways, and has been my home for many years, it's where I grew up and set the foundation for who I am today. I have so many good memories here, but I am beginning to realize I have less and less reason to be here. At the end of this summer none of my close friends will be living anywhere near me (one of them is moving to Florida in a week!); other than my parents and one grandparent, I have no family in the area; I have a fun job, but not one I want to keep forever. Siloam Springs has become the place I call "home". It's where my friends, many of whom have become like family to me, are; it's where I have actually become the person that I am now; it's where I found people who were actually interested in the same things I am. I stole a quote (and tweaked it a little) from my friend Hannah, it's now featured on my phone case, along with a picture of a sunrise in Siloam: "To miss somewhere means you loved and were loved there".
When I'm in Siloam I sometimes miss Newton, but I've come to realize that I miss the town, and it's comfortableness, less. In reality it's the people I miss, and when I'm here, those people aren't usually even here. Calling Newton "home" has become empty.
But I digress.
Because of some unforeseen financial problems with the IRS, there is a chance I will not be returning to JBU in the fall. My hope is to return for spring semester, but that leaves me with some difficult decisions. Because of the nature of things, I won't be able to take classes anywhere else in the meantime (I'm considering a couple gen-ed classes if I can find any that don't require pre-req transfers, and that I still need). My two main choices are to move to Siloam anyway (I have an apartment spot on hold) and hope to be able to save enough money while working to return in the spring, or to live with my parents and save enough money to go back in the spring. Both of these things have their pros and cons, but the main ones are financial and "home".
August 24th was supposed to be my official last day living with my parents, and it's difficult to see that being taken away. I have always been independent, and the idea of living with my parents after I've turned 20 seems appalling to me. It's not that I don't love my parents, and appreciate what they do for me. It's really that they don't get cold as easily as me. Joking aside, (Was that a joke? We'll never know) I feel the need to be on my own, to be in a place where I make my own decisions and mistakes, a place where I can be done being a teenager. But if I'm going to not be a teenager I have to make the responsible decision, and I haven't really decided what that is. At this point, I'm hoping it's a decision I won't have to make.
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