Advice I Haven't Followed
As of today Ryan and I have been engaged for 6 months and we spent a good chunk of the day planning our honeymoon, so I thought I'd finally hunker down and write a blog post about being engaged. I have tried to write this several times and it just hasn't happened the way I want it to. So no matter how terrible or boring this post is by the end... I'm going to publish it today.
So without further ado here are some pieces of advice I haven't followed and some pieces of advice I'd give to couples in relationships or those who are entering into engagement. *I am not a relationship expert, these are based on my personal experience and opinion*
1) Date for a long time before considering marriage.
I always expected to date for quite a while before talking seriously about marriage. Ryan and I both entered into the relationship with marriage in mind, but all of our conversations had lead to a mutual understanding that it would be several years in the future. Until one day he looked at me and said, "Lets get married. Right now." But it was Saturday and the courthouse is closed and we were in Arkansas so we didn't have the right documents. But we did look at rings and seriously discuss a lot of wedding details. And it turned out ok... we haven't been together that long, but when you know you know. I never understood what that meant, and I can't explain it, but there comes a point that you just know.
2) Have a short engagement.
I'm having a longer engagement then pretty much any of my friends that I'm aware of. A year+a week is way longer than I ever intended to be engaged. I've always said 4-8 months at the most. I've had several people tell me that the Christian thing to do is "once you know you want to get married then get married as fast as you can". I get the idea... reduce temptation. But honestly, if you can't handle waiting a few extra months then how strong is your commitment to purity anyway? I've really enjoyed having a long engagement. It gives me time to soak in the fun stuff, and to still have time to enjoy the other parts of my life without feeling overwhelmed.
3) Don't get ahead of yourself with planning
I picked the dress I wanted within 2 days of being engaged (we didn't actually buy it then, but we went to try on for fun and I found "the one") and the venue was chosen the next. We had the date and colors picked before I actually had the ring on my finger. To be honest, we have a lot more done than I thought we would at this point. But going back to having a long engagement it gives me time to put thought into the details and make the day absolutely perfect. The structure is in place, now I have time to paint the walls and hang the curtains before the family moves in.
4) Have a small wedding/elope to save money
Honestly, I was a little hurt by the amount of people who told me this. If you don't want to have a big wedding or any wedding at all that's fine. Your wedding is about you and your love. But for me, I couldn't imagine celebrating my marriage to Ryan without as many friends and family as we can fit in the venue. It's important to remember that you're planning a marriage as well as a wedding, but there's nothing wrong with having a beautiful and fun wedding. And we're still way under budget from what we originally expected. A wedding may only be for one day, but the money you spend is an investment in memories, both for you and for your friends and family.
5) Not really advice but: The guy will have no interest in helping plan.
Every guy I've ever even had a casual conversation with about marriage has expressed interest in helping to plan the wedding. Ryan definitely has his fair share of opinions... I've actually had to to just make some executive decisions because he has too much input to figure out what he wants. I will say, that sometimes we're not on the same page... for example, Ryan really wanted some just melodic music for our processional, but I wanted piano covers of songs we love. Marriage, and wedding planning, is about compromise.
Altogether I really enjoy being engaged, and I'm really excited to get married. The 4th is the halfway point of our engagement, and while 189 days seems like a really long time, the last 185 days have gone so fast.
So without further ado here are some pieces of advice I haven't followed and some pieces of advice I'd give to couples in relationships or those who are entering into engagement. *I am not a relationship expert, these are based on my personal experience and opinion*
1) Date for a long time before considering marriage.
I always expected to date for quite a while before talking seriously about marriage. Ryan and I both entered into the relationship with marriage in mind, but all of our conversations had lead to a mutual understanding that it would be several years in the future. Until one day he looked at me and said, "Lets get married. Right now." But it was Saturday and the courthouse is closed and we were in Arkansas so we didn't have the right documents. But we did look at rings and seriously discuss a lot of wedding details. And it turned out ok... we haven't been together that long, but when you know you know. I never understood what that meant, and I can't explain it, but there comes a point that you just know.
2) Have a short engagement.
I'm having a longer engagement then pretty much any of my friends that I'm aware of. A year+a week is way longer than I ever intended to be engaged. I've always said 4-8 months at the most. I've had several people tell me that the Christian thing to do is "once you know you want to get married then get married as fast as you can". I get the idea... reduce temptation. But honestly, if you can't handle waiting a few extra months then how strong is your commitment to purity anyway? I've really enjoyed having a long engagement. It gives me time to soak in the fun stuff, and to still have time to enjoy the other parts of my life without feeling overwhelmed.
3) Don't get ahead of yourself with planning
I picked the dress I wanted within 2 days of being engaged (we didn't actually buy it then, but we went to try on for fun and I found "the one") and the venue was chosen the next. We had the date and colors picked before I actually had the ring on my finger. To be honest, we have a lot more done than I thought we would at this point. But going back to having a long engagement it gives me time to put thought into the details and make the day absolutely perfect. The structure is in place, now I have time to paint the walls and hang the curtains before the family moves in.
4) Have a small wedding/elope to save money
Honestly, I was a little hurt by the amount of people who told me this. If you don't want to have a big wedding or any wedding at all that's fine. Your wedding is about you and your love. But for me, I couldn't imagine celebrating my marriage to Ryan without as many friends and family as we can fit in the venue. It's important to remember that you're planning a marriage as well as a wedding, but there's nothing wrong with having a beautiful and fun wedding. And we're still way under budget from what we originally expected. A wedding may only be for one day, but the money you spend is an investment in memories, both for you and for your friends and family.
5) Not really advice but: The guy will have no interest in helping plan.
Every guy I've ever even had a casual conversation with about marriage has expressed interest in helping to plan the wedding. Ryan definitely has his fair share of opinions... I've actually had to to just make some executive decisions because he has too much input to figure out what he wants. I will say, that sometimes we're not on the same page... for example, Ryan really wanted some just melodic music for our processional, but I wanted piano covers of songs we love. Marriage, and wedding planning, is about compromise.
Altogether I really enjoy being engaged, and I'm really excited to get married. The 4th is the halfway point of our engagement, and while 189 days seems like a really long time, the last 185 days have gone so fast.
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